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Saturday, March 29, 2008

I've realized a sad yet profound reality about my present situation. I've become more selfish. It's true. The other day I was thinking about everything, and I realized that although I came to El Salvador with the mentality to serve and give of myself, it has caused a backlash of self absorption. Let me explain....Since my comforts have been taken away, everytime I go to the capitol, I'm thinking about what I can eat, where I can go, etc. I want to buy my $5 hamburger meal, or whatever, so I end up spending more money. Then, sometimes I want to buy a shirt or something, yet I barely recognize the homeless in my bee-line to the shopping centers. Every now and then, I give my quarter. But a quarter?? I seriously think to myself, "I can't give more than that cuz I need to save to buy ice cream later." Hello!! I've become crazy!! Also, my Salvadoran family I know would appreciate me buying them something every now and then, but I'm just too selfish to spend my money that way after buying groceries for us. Not only financially, but just with thoughts in general, I've become very me-focused. I don't like it, and I find it ironic because all of you at home are singing my praises (which you shouldn't by the way) for being selfless and sacrificing for others and joining the Peace Corps because I think of others before myself. (I'm just saying things I've heard) But, I feel the opposite!!! So, please pray for me and I'll be praying for a change as well. However, that's also become a trend; to pray to God all about me and what concerns me and me making wise decisions and me being filled with the Spirit, and me me me!!!


Well, thanks for letting me confess online for all to see. Have a blessed day.


p.s. Last week was Fabulous!! Jen came and visited. We had so much fun....jumping waterfalls, making records by the way, for being the first women to jump!!, swimming in the river, seeing street art for Semana Santa, chasing chickens, picking mangoes, eating jocotes, riding on buses, seeing beauty everywhere, and not sleeping from talking so much!! It was just what I needed....great!! Look at the pics on my kodak site!!